You know, a number of months ago I would have rolled my eyes at the idea of a comfort zone.
“That’s ridiculous, I push my boundaries constantly so I don’t suppose I really live in my comfort zone,” thought I, “This isn’t relevant. Next.”
The way that most people define comfort zones could easily justify that reaction. Particularly if you’ve spent much time consuming pop psychology, or lurking around the self development biome. It’s FULL of truisms like “Be brave”, “Feel the fear and do it anyway”, “Everything you want lies beyond your comfort zone.”
Well folks, clearly I was bored enough for long enough (and got knocked upside the head enough times by God and his aspects) to examine this properly.
Now, maybe you already know this grand revelation I’m about to share. I’ll admit to feeling sheepish that it took me so long to get it! Buuuuut since I’m also likely not the only person walking around with the belief “Comfort zones are bogus” unchallenged in our psyches, here’s what I’ve got for you.
The stereotypical comfort zone is only a starting point, and by definition everyone’s comfort zone is individual.
Mind-blowing, I know.
You see, I’m an extrovert. I have exactly no problems talking to random people in the street (in fact I enjoy it), getting up on stage, presenting, writing about things and posting them online. Speaking up when things are happening that clearly aren’t okay. Asking for the sale, even.
So all these examples about getting out the house and “out of your comfort zone” as if your comfort zone was some insular, hermit-like thing? Never connected for me.
My comfort zone looks pretty damn chaotic, objectively.
To step out of it requires something else from me than just showing up loud and proud. Here’s what that looks like to me, just to illustrate this example a bit more (and to get through to the stubborn, resilient, extroverts like me that don’t get what the big deal is).
Vulnerability
For me, this shows up as being willing to accept help when I’m struggling. Especially if, on a normal day, I could do whatever it is myself. Having run headlong into this more than I care to think about this year while going through the process of being diagnosed with ADHD (ongoing, by the way), wrapping up my old business in less than portune ways, and diving deeper into what this business here can and should be… hiding behind “But I can normally do this” is no longer cute.
I really don’t like appearing incapable or “weak”, even though I’d swear until I was blue in the face that asking for help doesn’t make you either of those things. It’s one of my more egregious double standards and it’s been around since I was very young. I’ve worked on it, hence the better standard, and it’s time to give myself the same level of kindness here that I afford other people.
Letting my deeper self be seen
There’s nothing quite like being told in no uncertain terms by the being that knows you best of all that you’ve never actually shown up as your full self. I like to think of myself as fairly open – by most standards and definitions I am. However.
There are a lot of things I just don’t talk about. Past experiences, skills, talents, beliefs… Some people get to see some of these things, rare is the person that gets to see all of them. Right or wrong I’ve perfected the art of being honest to an unreasonable degree without actually inviting anyone past the public facing rooms of me. Once upon a time that was probably necessary and protective, I’m not convinced that’s still true.
Allowing the Spiritual into my communications and business
Did you know there’s such a thing as the ‘psychic closet’?
Up until very recently (read: the last few days) I didn’t know there was a term for it, but I’ve been in there for a very long time. Basically it’s where you know you have spiritual capabilities, have studied and mastered some of them (or a lot of them, in my case), have real talent, and you don’t ever mention any of it.
I’ll save my reasons why I haven’t talked about it before for another post or two, but for right now hi! I’m a channeler, among other things, and you’ll be hearing far more about it because I do use pieces of what I can do in my work and in the game.
Inviting complete strangers (rather than instant friends) to buy my stuff
“It’s hard to bring you success when you won’t work with anyone but friends”
Yup. Now, in my defense, I have this habit of making friends with anyone I’ve spoken to for more than five minutes. On the surface this doesn’t really seem that limiting as a result. It does mean that I’m allergic to sharing sales pages, and I keep trying to “get to know” people that want to buy from me before, you know, letting them buy. Frankly I think this may be a Dream Singer trait, but damn if He wasn’t right.
Allowing my kid to draw away and become more independent
My son is five. Gone are the days where he needed to be attached at my hip to survive and thrive. It’s been hard but I’ve been biting my tongue and letting him run off more lately, including playing outside our house without me right there. It’s difficult, and fortunately for us both I’ve known that this was somewhere I needed to push through for some time so he’s DELIGHTFULLY confident and willing to explore.
It wasn’t how I was parented, I need to remind myself of why it’s worth it every time, but you know what? It’s worth it.
Treating myself and buying luxuries
I’m excellent at buying gifts. Top notch. Big gifts, small “thinking of you” gifts, “oh hey they needed x thing” gifts… I’m good at them.
Know who I don’t often buy gifts for? Me. *cough* Fixing.
Following a schedule, with checklists
Fun fact, I’m not actually allergic to schedules and checklists. Had you asked me a year ago I would have told you I was, and no, why would I ever limit myself like that, vive la resistance! But you know. People can be wrong.
Turns out I am happiest when I have brightly coloured checklists for the week, sometimes daily, and clear lines between success and failure. The ones I use, I designed myself a couple of months ago. They’re currently blowing all my assumptions about how I work best out of the water, and I’m good with that.
In short, showing up as myself FULLY, not just the shiny socially acceptable parts.
At the time of writing this, there’s no About page on this site. I hadn’t ever decided what should be on it. Between you and I? The stuff in this post seems like a much better start than anything I’d had half planned.
So here’s my promise to you, dear reader, if you’ve come this far. In this place I’ll step out of my comfort zone as often as I can. Because although I don’t enjoy the squirmy feelings any more than the next person, someone fairly smart said that everything you want is beyond your comfort zone and what I want? Is to bring you all the pieces you need to live a more whole and complete life.
Best hop to it, huh?
